By the age of 42, I expected to have experienced some major life milestones. A wedding. Childbirth. A savings account with actual savings.
But, yet somehow here I am. Single. Childless. Barely a pot to piss in. And yet, strangely enough I am okay with that.
That isn’t to say I don’t still dream of my masquerade ball New Year’s Eve wedding, my three kids and my house near the beach with the big front porch. But, I guess part of growing up (or is it growing older?) is realizing they will always be dreams.
I’ve been fortunate enough to have different milestones in my life so far. Admitting to the world I am a writer, first and foremost. Writing my first play. Writing my first poem. Writing my first short story. Having my work produced. Starting and finishing new work. Teaching drama to children.
I sometimes feel pangs of regret or twinges of sadness when I think about how my path is different from so many people I know. But, I am able to quickly dispel those feelings by telling myself “whether or not it is clear to you, the universe is unfolding as it should”, from the poem Desiderata.
I read recently that you spend half your life looking forward and the other half looking back. I’m not ready to start the half where I look back yet. So, for now, I embrace the new decade and look forward to my next milestone, however unconventional it might be.
And, I leave you with this poem, Desiderata, by Max Ehrmann. The title is Latin for desired things. Truly words to live by.
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and agressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself to others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Nicely phrased….both your musings and those of “Desiderata”